Came across this funny clip yesterday [he says nonchalantly, completely disregarding the fact that he hasen't posted in weeks]. On the surface, it’s just a throw away clip from some town fair coverage. But make sure you’re wearing Depends for the second view — a little bit’s gonna come out.

And here’s the first spoof of the I-like-turtles Kid I came across:

Spent a fun, drunken and educational few days in and around Fernie, B.C. last weekend. Friday we drove to the ski town taking a scenic route into the Rockies, passed Frank’s Slide and through Crowsnest Pass. Many beers upon arrival, followed by board games and Wii.

Saturday was a fun — albeit painful — day of skiing. I used to be a good skier. Now I fall a lot. On this day I fell on my face, ass, back and then tripped into a cartwheel that nailed pretty much everything that the previous falls missed. Pain was subdued later that night with beer, hot tub and more Wii.

On Sunday, we enjoyed a relaxed ride home with a stop at the Frank’s Slide Interpretive Center. Frank was a small Rockies mining town that was buried by a rock slide in 1903 when the mountain above decided to shed a few thousand tons of stone. Around 100 people were killed and many remain buried beneath the rubble. A complete salvage was never performed and the highway basically cuts through a debris field of Humvee-sized boulders [pictured above]. Very interesting during the day. Terrifying at night.

We also stopped for lunch at a real old west saloon and bought a combined $100+ worth of beef jerky at Longview Jerky Shop.

Some things I learned:

+ You can’t do a 180-rail slide on skis even if it looks super easy to do on TV. You can try, but you will fall on your ass.

+ In an avalanche, rocks travel at speeds of more than 120 km/hr.

+ It’s hard to pick up ski bunnies when everyone on the hill sees you fall on your ass, face and back.

+ Avoid buying real estate at the foot of Turtle Mountain.

+ Your friends may be nice, but they will make fun of you if you admit that you’re afraid of ghosts — even if it’s late at night and you’re driving through a town buried by a rock slide with fuck knows how many doomed souls and forces of evil lurking just outside you car door.

+ No cuts, no scrapes — no proof. No fear.

More pics

Heading to Fernie, B.C. this weekend for a little skiing, beer and relaxation. That’s right — 48 hours of powder, pints and ski bunnies. Ah, ski bunnies… delicious sloots wrapped in fleece and gore-tex.

Five o’clock can’t come fast enough.

Woot.

I don’t normally buy albums without previewing them first — and even then, I normally just pirate them. Arcade Fire’s new Neon Bible is an exception. Any fears I had about the Montreal outfit’s second release crumbling under the sophomore crunch have disapated. Although it’s not as raw as their debut, most Bible tracks still feature a barage of sound from organs, horns, strings and more. After first listen, I’m as hyped about the new one as I was about Funeral a few years ago.

The Guardian: It sounds terrific.

Pitchfork: 8.4/10

Rolling Stone: 3.5/5

Arcade Fire perform “Wake Up” with David Bowie:

Got back from Calgary late last week. I would have posted something sooner, but I’ve been recovering from the huge 2-hour time difference and 4-day bender.
Had a nice trip, but it’s nice to be home in the ghetto. The lack of crack, and sirens on Cow Town’s clean city streets was a refreshing change at first, but eventually it felt like sitting on granny’s couch with the protective plastic still in place. It’s like, I’m not gonna pee on your coach again granny, so quit acting like I’m gonna.

Anyway. Here are some highlights.

+ Lots of Pilsner, Trad and Grasshopper.
+ Delicious steaks cooked perfectly on the grill. Thanks Mike.
+ Flames v. Avalanche in corporate box.
+ Fun, albeit painful ski day at Lake Louise.
+ Romantic Valentine’s prime rib dinner.
+ New Adidas, with no sales tax.
+ Late-night Wii tournaments. I need practice, but first I need a Wii.

Got back from Montreal late last night. Was a long week, but we took care of business.

I didn’t get my regular smoked meat sandwhich because my usual smoked meat solution provider — Ben’s deli — is closed. How people let that happen I cannot understand — but I’m sure their cholesterol levels are better for it. In any case, it was still a fun time. Here are some highlights:

+ Super Sexe. Ok, I didn’t go in this time, but I’m always happy to see this fun factory in the middle of one of the coolest streets in town. In Toronto, it would be a Starbucks or an over-priced tapas-wine-bar rip-off-ery.

+ Simons. I’m not a big shopper, but this is the best department store in Canada and I loaded up.

+ Crescent St. There’s a lot crap bars in this pub district, but Brutopia isn’t one of them. If you’re gonna get a hangover installed, this is great place to buy the parts.

+ Speaking French. I’m so rusty, I don’t know why I bothered — but it was an interesting change nonetheless. I’m sure I heard two Starbucks staffers cutting me up in frog after I ordered. It’s OK, for the other 360 days of the year they’re the ones who talk funny and get made fun of by me.

+ S.L.S.s everywhere.

Now I’m off to Calgary. Hopefully I’ll be able to update more frequently this time around.

Woot.

Super Bowl ads haven’t been all that great since the dot-com stopped investing billions in 30 sec. gems about five years ago. That said, this one’s pretty good. I’d like to think that Federline has a sense of humor about his dubious celebrity status — but he’s probably just really broke right now.

Anyway, those of us watching the Super Bowl in Canada this Sunday probably won’t see this since none of the good American ads are ever broadcast up here during the game — so enjoy.

Canada’s second largest wireless phone provider has started offering downloadable porn for subcribers with video-enabled phones. Telus says users can already view porn on their Internet-enabled hardware, so it doesn’t make a difference if they cut out the middle man and pimp it themselves.

The funny part is that the Telus spokesman admits they had to check Google to verify that there was a demand for porn among Internet and wireless users. I guess the web isn’t just for trading unicorn lore on newsgroups.sci.fi.love.i.believe.org anymore.

The idea of spicing up the morning commute with some hardcore sexy librarian action is almost enough to make me ditch Rogers — but it’s probably pretty pricey. Cross your fingers that your download doesn’t experience any premature termination.