Cops 1, Ghetto 1-ka-zillion…

Hurray! Toronto police caught the notorious Parkdale purse snatcher. You can’t go stealing grannies’ purses in P-dale without the full might of Toronto’s finest coming down on your ass. But, although this “coward” is off the street, there are a few fellons still at large. Here are the ones that I know within two blocks of my place:

+ The crack-buyer-and-smoker-behind-my-house, 18 of. The fact that they yell at each other over who got the bigger rock at 3 a.m. is a crime in itself.

+ The garbage-can-kicker-over. Apparently neatly stored trash is this vigilante’s enemy.

+ The public-urinator, quantity unknown. My neighbour’s stoop might technically be private property — but I still don’t think you should be peeing on it.

+ The Parkdale Public Pooper. The public-urinator’s more brazen cousin. Granted there might not be a poop-and-scoop law for humans on the book, I still think this guy should be arrested for what he does to the neighbourhood sidewalks.

+ The Hamburgler. I swear to god he exists. I saw him booking out of the King/Dufferin McDonalds — only instead of a mask and cape, he had track marks and Zubaz pants.

I imagine there’s a police task force in place for these perps. Hopefully we see some results soon.


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