How I spent Earth Day

Woke up hungover and decided to go to McDonald’s for brunch. One non-recyclable bag of individually wrapped breakfast delights later I was home for a nice hot 30-minute shower. I’m not one to be wasteful and can’t stand the thought of a basement full of hot water going unused.

Later I got in a cab to go to the airport, but because the Gardiner Expressway was closed, we took the long way, idling north-west through Toronto in bumper to bumper traffic.

I almost missed my flight, the cab ride took so long — however I did have time for a few smokes before checking in. The ashtray at Pearson looked kind of icky though, so I chucked the butts on the ground. The filters don’t biodegrate, so the custodians should have no trouble finding them.

Once on the plane I laid back and relaxed as the Boeing 737 took off on a four hour trip from Toronto to Calgary — spreading tons of toxic greenhouse-gas causing exhaust clear across the prairies.

With the breadbasket of Canada sufficiently polluted, we landed in Calgary where there isn’t a single recycling bin in sight. Apparently there’s no time to separate plastic and paper when you have a province-worth of environment to destroy.

However, before I did any of that I clubbed two baby seals and pissed on a polar bear.

Happy Earth Day everybody.



  1. Two baby seals is not even 1/100 the quota per Canadian. Next Earth Day gun for 1000 or more. I’m getting flack from the Europeans every day about that seal bullshit, since the TV news here loves to show the eerily human little mammals getting whacked, and think for two weeks a year, that all Canadians are sadistic blood-thirsty asses. Easy for them to say. They’ve never lost a relative or loved one to a seal attack.

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