Archive for June, 2007

Bad blogger

I know — A week without a post. What a dick. And he works for the internet too! He should know better. Unfotunately things aren’t too funny or interesting right now. But stay tuned.

In the meantime, check out my current front-runner for song of summer honors.

Modest Mouse, “Missed the Boat”

A New York City man is suing the makers of Boost energy drink after one of the beverages  gave him a 3-day hard-on. Unfortunately he couldn’t get rid of it using traditional methods, so after days of pain and embarassment he went to the doctor for a painful corrective procedure known as a “winter shunt.”

Here are the things that are funny about this story:

+ He’s suing the company instead of sending them a thank you note.

+ He drank this shit voluntarily. [It’s normally only used by the elderly and people who have their jaws wired shut.]

+ Quote: “It was awful. It was painful. I would always wear jeans, but it was hard to go out, so I had to buy some sweatpants,” Woods said.

+ The guy’s name is Christopher Woods.

Boost might end up paying this guy a healthy settlement, but how much do you want to bet their stock is going to skyrocket from all the dudes out there who are tired of paying through the nose for Viagara cock vitamins?

Whether it’s heading back to school, starting a business or checking out some Chicken Soup for the Soul books from the local library, I’m always impressed when people seek to better themselves on their own. The courage and determination it takes to stick yourself out their and say, “hey, I can do this” is admirable and should be rewarded with praise — not kicked in apartment doors.

So much for “Seeds of Hope“. I hope I get reimbursed for the door.