Archive for the ‘East Coast’ Category

Halifax Donair

Just as Philadelphia has cheeseteaks, Chicago has deep dish, Toronto has peameal — Halifax has the donair. And like those other great cities, Halifax’s greasy signature snack is loaded with more fat and calories than one should consume in one sitting — or one week for that matter. All the same, nothing removes a hangover quite like two Advil gel caps and a regular donair.

As you can see, it’s served on pita piled high with a special blend of spiced meat, tomatoes onions and topped with a creamy sweet and sour garlic sauce. I’ve been in cities across Canada and seen sandwhich boards in front of pizza shops advertising “Authentic East Coast Donairs”, but they’ve never been anything more than a beef shwarma with some kind of yogurt on top.

No, for the real deal you have to head east until you can smell the salt water of the Atlantic. Find Halifax and follow the shitty celtic music downtown until you see an intersection lit on all sides by the neon lights of Pizza Corner. If your timing is right, you’ll hear the drunken cadence of hundreds of pilgrims slowly making their way along Agyle, Grafton and Blowers towards this holy spot.

Order fast and be patient, these things take time to prepare. Once you have it, tear in. Despite what some locals might say, there’s no right way to finish a donair. Some pick away at it like popcorn, others eat it like a sandwhich. Know this —  no matter how hard you try, your hands will be covered in grease and sauce and you will get some on you shirt, pants or shoes — a souvenir you’ll enjoy forever. Also, don’t expect to get any kisses from vampires as the smell of garlic will linger on your breath long after the lights of Pizza Corner have faded in the rearview.

These little pieces of heaven start at about $4 a pop. Do yourself a favor and give one a try while blood can still make it’s way through your un-clogged arteries.

Charlottetown, PEI is in a tizzy over all the bad language heard at the rock show they recently put on for Canada Day . I can hear it now:

“Aw shit, why’d they hire fuckin’ Nickelback. I’d rather have Satan fart in my ear for an hour.”

“Who the fuck is Default?!”

“Let’s shove Finger Eleven up Fuckcherry’s ass!”

“Who the fuck let Staind into the country”

Honestly, I don’t know what the city council was expecting. These bands are basically made up of the same get-stoned-behind-the-mall trash that the local cops chase around their town on a daily basis. Just because somebody gave them guitars and record contracts doesn’t change the fact that they’re dirtbags. Besides, it’s rock ‘n roll in the 21st century — they should be happy no one got peed on.

I’m not surprised by their reaction, though. Sometimes I think PEI is the Utah of Canada. It’s isolated, people there are kind of weird, and while you can drink beer, aluminum cans are outlawed on the Island — so forget about tall boys.

Forget about asking for a free show, here’s how you deal with Nickelback:

Had the chance to re-visit some favourite childhood roadtrip destinations during my Easter weekend visit to Hafilax.

Here’s a clip I shot with my cell phone in Queensland, 30 minutes outside of Halifax. It’s also my first YouTube vid. Look out Scorsese — the bell tolls for thee.

I’ll have pics updated shortly. Woot.

It figures. As soon as Nova Scotia would come up with a smart, edgy and humorous campaign to try to stem the flow of young workers heading out to Alberta they pull the plug on it, fearing that it might hurt Westerners’ feelings.

The “Delusional Calgaria” spot shows a transplanted maritimer’s friends and family staging an A&E like intervention to get the young lad to leave Calgary for a similar job back home in N.S. There’s nothing wrong with it. It seems once again, the tiny Maritime province is afraid to piss off its bigger, richer brothers — or in the case of Alberta — sister.

Here’s the clip:

As a transplanted Maritimer, I can honestly say this is a well-meaning spot — but the promise of a career and lifestyle that’s equal to or better than Calgary in Halifax is horseshit. I’ve been in Calgary for a week and I can see why Haligonians would want to move here. Tripple the salary, your pick of jobs, sloots and beer. Sure there’s no ocean, but there’s big, honkin’ mountains.

Still, I’m sad that Nova Scotia still hasn’t grown a pair big enough to let a harmless little ad campaign run.

It’s been hard to take Nova Scotia politics serioulsy ever since former-Phys Ed teacher and total spaz Rodney MacDonald became premier. He’s made so many rookie mistakes so early on that it’s starting to look like he’s running a high school model parliament.

The gaffs may have finally caught up to him though — the province’s public accounts committee in charge of monitoring government spending is investigating some loans his government issued. Until now, Rodney has rebuffed anyone who’s tried to obtain details about the loans, but this committee has some teeth since it upholds the laws as they pertain to provincial spending.

One was for Magic Valley Fun Park, an amusment park owned by friends of former premier John Hamm which is neither magical or fun.

The other controversial loan was made to a potato farm that was leasing land from one of MacDonald’s cabinet ministers. The minister — Ernie Fage — eventually resigned over this obvious conflict of interest only to be granted another cabinet post during the next shuffle.

Not to worry, Mr. Fage recently resigned again after being accused of smelling like booze while fleeing the scene of a traffic accident. Police are now investigating that.

I know this is all very boring, but it’s scandals like these that are going to make my bid for the Premier’s Office a total cakewalk.

Here’s video of Mr. Fage’s alleged fleeing:

Dare to dream

Nova Scotia Map

A column in today’s Halifax Daily News suggests that Cape Bretoners are more ready and willing to seperate from Nova Scotia than a lot of mainlanders might think. In fact an entire Web site has been created to petition for an independant Province of Cape Breton and includes letters to the Prime Minister and a “blueprint for success”.

I’m impressed. Who knew so many of these fuckers could read and write, let alone code HTML.

I say more power to them. From a national perspective, it would probably be an unpopular first move for me to kick them out of the province once I become premier of Nova Scotia. The only thing I would have to do is propel the island to the edge of the continental shelf and find something to do with all the extra jobs and beer they leave behind on the mainland. Woot.

It’s been fun Halifax, but I have beer to drink and ass to kick back in the big city.

Some highlights from the trip:

+ Brewtenders and pizza with cuzzy and katie.
+ Donair
+ Catching up on Chester St.
+ Sight seeing
+ Seeing old friends at MacFarlane’s
+ Unlimited supply of Oland’s, Alpine, Schooner and Ten Penny beer


+ Realizing the Seahorse sucks
+ Donair
+ Still no PS3

Here’s a pic of me visiting one of my favourite spots — the Halifax Grain Elevators. We used to drink here when we were teens. We’d also climb up on them and do a bunch of other dumb shit until we moved on to the train tracks further down the road.
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Anyway, it’s been fun. Stay tuned for my best and worst of 2006. Should be complete by Friday, hangover permitting.

The Seahorse sucks

The Seahorse tavern, Halifax, Nova Scotia

Here I am on the steps leading down to the former heavyweight best bar in the world. It used to be dark, with a heavy fog of cigarette smoke and some combination of AC-DC, Zeppelin or Guns N’ Roses blaring on the speakers. You’d walk in on a Friday night and know everyone in the room. Pints were $2.50 until 11 pm and they’d let you buy enough to cover the long, carved-up tables and church pews that made for seating.

Now it’s prettied up with plush booths, fancy lighting and a new kitchen. No more loud metal, because they’re trying to make it into a live music venue. It’s even got a dance floor dug into the floor where our table used to be. The City of Halifax’s clean air bylaw killed the smoking, but Victor Syperek did the rest. His attempt to recreate downtown nightlife according to his version of cool was alright in the ’90s, but he should have stopped with the Economy Shoe Shop.

Now I’ve got to find a new favourite pub, or stop coming to Halifax altogether. Maybe I’ll give Tom’s Little Havana a shot.

I’ll miss you Seahorse. RIP good buddy.

East Side torchdown

Got in to Hafilax yesterday and now I’m just saving up my mana for a night on the town. Starting off chez cuzoogle where we will enjoy a brewtender or two, and then a raid on downtown. Maybe some Fireside, Tom’s, Shoe Shop, Seahorse, Maxwell’s. Who knows. The only certainty is shitfaced. woot.

This could be ground zero later tonight. You’ll have to imaging the “Woots” and “WTF?!s” as my mom does not have photoshop and I’m too lazy to break out my pirate skills.

Halifornia love

If you’re wondering why I’m totally psyched it’s because the nominees for the East Coast Music Awards were announced yesterday and Halifax’s other favourite sons — Sloan — are nominated for a bunch of tin. Woot!

Sure, the ECMAs might not be the sexiest sloot on the award show block, but there’s no question that some of the greatest indie and pop talent in Canada comes from that side of the country, so you’re at least guaranteed some half-decent performances.

Sloan are some confident that they’re going to sweep that they’re sending the ’92 version of themselves (below) to the awards Feb. 17.


Other nomination highlights include In-Flight Safety, the Trews, Joel Plaskett.

Here are some highlights:

• Recording of the Year: Bring On The Storm by Charlie A’Court; Somebody Wrote Love by George Canyon; Ron Hynes by Ron Hynes; For All Time by Jill Barber; Never Hear The End Of It by Sloan.

• Group Recording of the Year: Chucky Danger Band for Colour; In-Flight Safety for The Coast is Clear; Madviolet for Caravan; Sloan for Never Hear the End Of It; The Divorcees for You Ain’t Gettin’ My Country.

• Single of the Year: Marching Machine by Chucky Danger Band; Nowhere With You by Joel Plaskett Emergency; Don’t Hold Me Down by Kayle; Run by Rex Goudie; Poor Ol’ Broken Hearted Me by The Trews.

• Alternative Recording of the Year: The Coast is Clear by In-Flight Safety; Wet on Wet by Jon Epworth and the Improvements; Fate Chance Luck Dance by Mars Hill; Strode Dodger by On Vinyl; Isolator by Two Hours Traffic.