Archive for the ‘Toronto’ Category

Reuters has picked up on something that a lot of us have known for a while: Toronto is being inundated with dog shit. Trash cans around city parks and public spaces are starting to overflow with bags of dog crap and it’s only going to get worse as the hot summer months approach.

This is nothing new. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to walk through Trinity Bellwoods without feeling like I was on a pig farm. I love dogs, but irresponsible dog owners piss me off. I’m gonna start eating chili dogs and following these fuckers home. They’ll get the message after a few deposits.

And because the story’s being run by the Reuters news service, prepare to see this headline next to “Indian village terrorized by monkey man” and “Bat boy excels in home schooling” stories in international dailies everywhere.

I hate being at work when people start to fuck up my shit, but this story makes me feel lucky that I spend most of my day in a cubicle. It starts in late February when two armoured truck guards pull up to do a routine refill at a Parkdale ATM. However, on their way into the store they get held up at gunpoint and nailed in the head. You’d think getting jacked for $90, 000 would be bad enough.

Sadly, a few weeks later the two guards lost their jobs. Claiming the pair did not follow proper security procedures while exiting the truck, the security company terminated their employment.

Goes to show, when you get stung in the ghetto, things can always get worse.

Bjork, Smashing Pumpkins to headline Toronto Virgin Festival

I hear the Virgin Festival is coming back to Toronto and rumour has it Bjork and Smashing Pumpkins will lead the lineup.

The Killers, Interpol, Amy Winehouse Paolo Nutini, Tokyo Police Club and Jaime T. are among the 30 other bands booked to perform on Toronto Island on Sept. 8 and 9.

Bjork’s also headlining at next month’s Coachella music festival, so having her in the Toronto lineup is sure to create some buzz. I just hope she doesn’t get cut off like the Flaming Lips did at the close of last year’s show.

I should be surprised and disappointed that someone was gunned down two blocks from my house early Christmas morning, but I’m not. After spending the past week telling anyone who asked about what a shit hole (two words?) of a neighbourhood I moved to over the summer, it’s nice to see that I wasen’t exaggerating.

I use that CIBC sometimes. Now I’m wishing that there was some size XL kevlar under the tree for me to take home. Cuzzy says The Gate — the pub next door — serves up a mean breakfast, but I’m guessing there’s nothing going over easy there right now.

And his momma sighed…