Jailhouse rock

Talk about cruel and unusual punishment. Convicts at a prison in the Philippines were made to learn the choreography to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video as part of their daily exercise regime. Amazing what you can do with a few hundred inmates and a couple dozen well aimed shotguns.

It’s funny. This is sort of what Michael Jackson might have looked like if that trial had gone the other way.

lindsay lohan mug shot

I know, I’ve been spending way too much time blogging about celebrities lately — in particularly Lindsay Lohan — but she just got busted on a second DUI charge and I can’t help myself.

I wonder what her alcohol monitoring device is thinking…

The Color of Nazi

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Here’s a promo shot of Tom Cruise in costume for his new movie, Rubicon — a film about the failed Nazi conspirators who tried to assassinate Hitler during WWII.

Funny story. Earlier on, the German government refused the production’s requests to film on location at specific WWII sites because Cruise is a flamboyant Scientologist. Scientology is considered to be more pyramid scheme than religion over there and they didn’t want homeboy shaking down locals to get rid of their alien bits. Officials have since mellowed and now say they were simply trying to preserve the historic dignity of the sites.

Um, how do you say horseshit in German? Oh yeah, “de Hasselhoff.”

Beware the booze band

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In an attempt to keep her clean-and-sober illusion going, Lindsay Lohan’s been spotted around L.A. sporting an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet that’s supposedly reports whether she’s been boozing. I guess it’s all part of her out-patient rehab front. But the truth is, not even master magician David Copperfield could make girlfriend’s habit go away — and that dude disapeared the Statue of Liberty.

I shouldn’t talk. If they tried to put an alcohol monitoring device like that on me it would explode after two minutes. Of course I don’t take my Mercedes on urban off-road adventures, so I’ve got nothing to worry about.

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+ More pics

Kickass behind the scenes pics and videos from Indiana Jones 4.

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Charlottetown, PEI is in a tizzy over all the bad language heard at the rock show they recently put on for Canada Day . I can hear it now:

“Aw shit, why’d they hire fuckin’ Nickelback. I’d rather have Satan fart in my ear for an hour.”

“Who the fuck is Default?!”

“Let’s shove Finger Eleven up Fuckcherry’s ass!”

“Who the fuck let Staind into the country”

Honestly, I don’t know what the city council was expecting. These bands are basically made up of the same get-stoned-behind-the-mall trash that the local cops chase around their town on a daily basis. Just because somebody gave them guitars and record contracts doesn’t change the fact that they’re dirtbags. Besides, it’s rock ‘n roll in the 21st century — they should be happy no one got peed on.

I’m not surprised by their reaction, though. Sometimes I think PEI is the Utah of Canada. It’s isolated, people there are kind of weird, and while you can drink beer, aluminum cans are outlawed on the Island — so forget about tall boys.

Forget about asking for a free show, here’s how you deal with Nickelback:

Watch as a couple of nerds take apart Apple’s new iPhone and give you a tour of the gadget’s insides. It’s actually pretty interesting until they get into the micro-analysis of the processors and shit. Still, it’s good to know that this toy is in a large part frankensteined together from two years worth of iPod technology.

By the end, the phone looks a lot like my last piece of crap that was exploded by blunt force taxi trauma. Don’t let the pretty looks fool you.

Oh, and now there are rumours about a smaller, cheaper iPhone Nano in the works.

Al Gore III

Got a kick when I read that Al Gore’s son — Al Gore III — was in jail after California cops pulled him over and found a bunch of pot and prescription drugs in his Toyota Prius.

It’s hard to blame him though — I’d get blitzed too if my dad was the biggest earth-wanker in the world and I had to drive an enviro-sensitive ride to keep up appearances. I just find it hard to believe he was able to get up to 100 MPH in that piece of shit.

The truth is daddy’s got an Inconvenient Fuck-up to deal with.

Came across this funny clip yesterday [he says nonchalantly, completely disregarding the fact that he hasen’t posted in weeks]. On the surface, it’s just a throw away clip from some town fair coverage. But make sure you’re wearing Depends for the second view — a little bit’s gonna come out.

And here’s the first spoof of the I-like-turtles Kid I came across:

Bad blogger

I know — A week without a post. What a dick. And he works for the internet too! He should know better. Unfotunately things aren’t too funny or interesting right now. But stay tuned.

In the meantime, check out my current front-runner for song of summer honors.

Modest Mouse, “Missed the Boat”

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